exilefromlife:

littleskyz:

screamingthesilence:

ALRIGHT LISTEN UP MY LITTLE SHITS

APPARENTLY NOBODY’S HEARD OF PROPER FUCKING ICE CREAM SANDWICHES SO I’M GOING TO SHOW YOU FUCKS HOW TO MAKE ONE

FIRST STRUT YOUR FINE ASS OVER TO YOUR FREEZY BOX AND GRAB YOURSELF SOME OF THAT SWEET WOMAN OF JESUS AUNT JEMIMA’S WAFFLES AND YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM. IF YOU DON’T HAVE YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM THAN JUST GRAB WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU GOT IN THERE. IF YOU DON’T HAVE ANY DAMN ICE CREAM THEN SHIT MAN YOU’RE OUT OF LUCK.

image

IF YOU’RE NOT A WHINY PANSY AND YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE BEING A HARDCORE MOTHER FUCKER THEN TOSS IN SOME OTHER SHIT YOU LIKE

image

BUT FOR RIGHT NOW I’M GOING TO FOCUS ON ALL YOU PANSIES WHO WANT YOUR ICE CREAM UNTAINTED BY OTHER SUCCULENT TOPPINGS

RIP INTO THAT BOX OF SWEET AUNTIE’S WAFFLES AND FIRMLY GRASP TWO

NO MORE THAN TWO

JUST DON’T DO IT

YOU ARE NOT YET READY FOR THE COLOSSAL CREAM CLUB SUB  

ONCE YOU HAVE THOSE TWO LITTLE SHITS IN YOUR HAND THROW THEM ACROSS THE ROOM SO THAT THEY LAND PERFECTLY IN YOUR TOASTER

IF YOUR AIM SUCKS ASS JUST PUT THEM IN GENTLY WHILE TRASH TALKING YOUR TOASTER BECAUSE YOU’RE STILL HARDCORE

image

WHILE YOU’RE WAITING FOR YOUR WAFFLES TO BE AS TOASTY AS YOUR CHOICE ASS RUN OUTSIDE AND SMASH A CAR OR SOMETHING

BY THE TIME YOU WASH THE BLOOD OFF YOUR HANDS THOSE DELICIOUS LITTLE SYRUP DISKS SHOULD BE READY FOR ACTION

TOSS THOSE FUCKERS ON A PLATE AND PILE THE CREAMY GOODNESS ON ONE OF THEM

image

COVER UP THAT SHIT WITH YOUR OTHER WAFFLE AND WHIP OUT THAT BUTTERFLY BLADE YOU KEEP ON YOUR PERSON AT ALL TIMES BECAUSE THE THUG LIFE CHOSE YOU

STAB THE BASTARD REPEATEDLY UNTIL IT’S PERFECTLY SPLIT DOWN THE MIDDLE BECAUSE YOU’RE A CLASSY MOTHERFUCKER

image 

NOW FOR YOU SICK FUCKS THAT THINK YOU CAN HANDLE MORE TOPPINGS YOU’RE GOING TO DO THE SAME SHIT THAT I JUST FUCKING TOLD YOU TO DO BUT BEFORE YOU PILE ON YOUR ICE CREAM YOU WANT TO LATHER YOUR PEANUT BUTTER/ CHOCOLATE SYRUP/ WHATEVER YOU CAN FIND ONTO THE WAFFLE

image

THEN DUMP OTHER TASTY SHIT ON THERE AS YOU SEE FIT

YOU GET TO FIGURE OUT THAT PART I’M NOT GOING TO HOLD YOUR HAND THROUGH THIS WHOLE PROCESS LITTLE SHITLET

image

AND AFTER THAT JUST GO BACK UP AND READ THE PANSY INSTRUCTIONS BECAUSE THEY’RE THE SAME THING FROM HERE OUT

CONGRATULATIONS YOU JUST MADE A MOTHERFUCKING ICE CREAM SANDWICH AND YOUR PRIZE IS YOU GET TO GO DEVOUR IT LIKE IT’S THE BEST THING YOU’VE TASTED SINCE YOUR MOTHER’S BREAST MILK BECAUSE IT DAMN SURE IS

image 

HAHAHAH THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER

Tagging this under unfuckupable recipes because OMFG YES.

(via findyouranchorpoint)

hellyeahrecipes:

Black Bread
2 1/4 teaspoons active dry yeast
400 ml warm water (105 - 115F)
1 teaspoon natural cane sugar / brown sugar
2 tablespoons cocoa powder
2 tablespoons finely ground espresso beans
1/4+ cup / 70 ml molasses
3 teaspoons caraway seeds, plus more for topping
3 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into pieces
2 teaspoons fine grain sea salt
~2 cups / 150 g coarsely grated carrot (2 large)
1 1/3 cup / 150 g rye flour
~3 1/4 cup / 15 oz / 425 g bread flour (or unbleached all -purpose flour), plus more for dusting
olive oil for kneading and oiling baking sheet
2 tablespoons buttermilk, water, or milk
In a small bowl whisk the yeast with the warm water and sugar, and set aside until foamy. If the yeast doesn’t activate, try again.
In a small saucepan over medium-low heat, combine the cocoa, coffee, molasses, caraway, butter, and salt. Stir constantly until just melted. You want the mixture to be lukewarm when you add it to the other of the ingredients.
Combine the yeast mixture with the grated carrot and molasses mixture in a large mixing bowl. Add the flours, and stir until you’ve got a soft, tacky, cohesive dough. If your dough is a bit too wet, and you need to add a bit more flour, do so. Turn the dough out onto your counter and knead for about 5 minutes, or until the dough is elastic and springy. Note: you can do this step using the dough hook on your mixer.
Shape the dough into a ball, rub with a bit of olive oil, and place seam-side down into an oiled bowl. Cover and allow to rise in a warm, cozy place for 1- 2 hours or until the dough increases in size by at least half. At this point, gently press down, with a closed fist, across the surface of the dough. Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured counter, and coerce into a pleasant-shaped round.
Place directly on a very lightly oiled baking sheet, then cover loosely with a floured tea cloth or plastic wrap. Allow to rise in a warm place until nearly doubled in size, another hour. Uncover, brush gently with buttermilk, sprinkle with a dusting of flour, ~1 teaspoon caraway seeds, and use a serrated knife to slash an ‘X’ deeply across the dough (do your best not to deflate the loaf).
Bake for 20 minutes at 425F / 220C. Dial back the heat to 350F / 180C, and bake for another 20-25 minutes, or until the loaf develops a structured, toasted-bottomed crust, and the loaf sounds a bit hollow when you knock on it. Remove from oven and let cool for at least 15 minutes on a rack before slicing into.

hellyeahrecipes:

Black Bread

  • 2 1/4 teaspoons active dry yeast
  • 400 ml warm water (105 - 115F)
  • 1 teaspoon natural cane sugar / brown sugar
  • 2 tablespoons cocoa powder
  • 2 tablespoons finely ground espresso beans
  • 1/4+ cup / 70 ml molasses
  • 3 teaspoons caraway seeds, plus more for topping
  • 3 tablespoons unsalted butter, cut into pieces
  • 2 teaspoons fine grain sea salt
  • ~2 cups / 150 g coarsely grated carrot (2 large)
  • 1 1/3 cup / 150 g rye flour
  • ~3 1/4 cup / 15 oz / 425 g bread flour (or unbleached all -purpose flour), plus more for dusting
  • olive oil for kneading and oiling baking sheet
  • 2 tablespoons buttermilk, water, or milk
  1. In a small bowl whisk the yeast with the warm water and sugar, and set aside until foamy. If the yeast doesn’t activate, try again.
  2. In a small saucepan over medium-low heat, combine the cocoa, coffee, molasses, caraway, butter, and salt. Stir constantly until just melted. You want the mixture to be lukewarm when you add it to the other of the ingredients.
  3. Combine the yeast mixture with the grated carrot and molasses mixture in a large mixing bowl. Add the flours, and stir until you’ve got a soft, tacky, cohesive dough. If your dough is a bit too wet, and you need to add a bit more flour, do so. Turn the dough out onto your counter and knead for about 5 minutes, or until the dough is elastic and springy. Note: you can do this step using the dough hook on your mixer.
  4. Shape the dough into a ball, rub with a bit of olive oil, and place seam-side down into an oiled bowl. Cover and allow to rise in a warm, cozy place for 1- 2 hours or until the dough increases in size by at least half. At this point, gently press down, with a closed fist, across the surface of the dough. Turn the dough out onto a lightly floured counter, and coerce into a pleasant-shaped round.
  5. Place directly on a very lightly oiled baking sheet, then cover loosely with a floured tea cloth or plastic wrap. Allow to rise in a warm place until nearly doubled in size, another hour. Uncover, brush gently with buttermilk, sprinkle with a dusting of flour, ~1 teaspoon caraway seeds, and use a serrated knife to slash an ‘X’ deeply across the dough (do your best not to deflate the loaf).
  6. Bake for 20 minutes at 425F / 220C. Dial back the heat to 350F / 180C, and bake for another 20-25 minutes, or until the loaf develops a structured, toasted-bottomed crust, and the loaf sounds a bit hollow when you knock on it. Remove from oven and let cool for at least 15 minutes on a rack before slicing into.

(via anth0philous)

jessieminx:

thecakebar:

Pumpkin Pie Bites! (recipe/tutorial)

Thanksgiving for sure!

(via cumfordaddy)

thedrunkenmoogle:

Dr. Horrible Cocktail Set

Freeze Ray - Dr. Horrible:
1 oz Vodka
1.5 oz Creme de menthe
Sprite (~5 oz)

Directions: Fill a highball glass with crushed ice. Add in the alcoholic ingredients and fill with Sprite (around 5 oz). Stir, serve and stop the world.

“This is the one. Stops time. Freeze Ray. Tell your friends.” - Dr. Horrible
___

The Hammer - Captain Hammer:
1 oz Captain Morgan Spiced Rum
1 oz Whiskey
1 oz Peach schnapps
Root Beer

Directions: Mix alcoholic ingredients in a lowball glass over ice. Fill with your favorite root beer. Flex, serve, and be awesome.

“I don’t go to the gym, I’m just naturally like this.” - Captain Hammer
___

Crazy Random Happenstance - Penny:
1/2 cup Strawberry Frozen Yogurt
2 oz RumChata rum cream
.5 oz Amaretto
5 Strawberries
4 Ice cubes 

Directions: Set aside one strawberry and blend the rest of the items. Pour into a large glass and garnish with the remaining strawberry. Serve and stay positive.

We would be able to provide 250 new beds, get people off the streets and into job training so they could… buy rocket packs and go to the moon and become florists…” - Penny 
___ 

Notes: I had a ton of  fun creating these drinks. 
Freeze Ray - To keep with the freezing theme, I wanted to have a drink with lots of ice and a minty flavor. 
The Hammer - What is there to say about the Captain Hammer? He’s strong, not too bright, and kind of a wimp without his powers. The Captain Morgan and whiskey make a strong drink, but the peach schnapps reveals a hidden layer under the hardness. Be careful, as this cocktail might be sweet, but it will hit you like a hammer. 
Crazy Random Happenstance - I couldn’t make a drink for Penny without including frozen yogurt. I’m very happy with how the glass I used is similar in size and shape to a frozen yogurt cup. This drink is sweet, innocent, and a perfect treat to give to a laundromat buddy.

Drinks created and photographed by Mitch Hutts of The Drunken Moogle.

BONUS JOKE DRINK: MOIST (click to continue)

Read More

(via cumfordaddy)

twilights-blue:

sarrel:

Ingredients:

CINNAMON FILLING:
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, just melted (not boiling)
1/4 cup + 2 tablespoons packed light brown sugar
1/2 tablespoon ground cinnamon

CREAM CHEESE GLAZE:
4 tablespoons (1/2 stick) unsalted butter
2-ounces cream cheese, at room temperature
3/4 cup powdered sugar
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract

PANCAKES:
1 cup all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 cup milk
1 large egg, lightly beaten
1 tablespoon canola or vegetable oil

Directions:

Prepare the cinnamon filling: In a medium bowl, stir together the butter, brown sugar and cinnamon. Scoop the filling into a quart-sized heavy zip baggie and set it aside (see *Tips below).

Prepare the glaze: In a small pan, heat the butter over low heat until melted. Turn off the heat and whisk in the cream cheese until it is almost smooth. Sift the powdered sugar into the pan, stir and add in vanilla extract. Set the pan aside while you make the pancakes.

Prepare the pancake batter: In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking powder and salt. Whisk in the milk, egg and oil, just until the batter is moistened (a few small lumps are fine).

Cook the pancakes: Heat a large, nonstick skillet over medium-heat and spray with nonstick spray. Use an ice cream scoop (or 1/3 cup measuring cup) to add the batter to the pan. Use the bottom of the scoop or cup to spread the batter into a circle (about 4-inches in diameter). Reduce the heat to medium low. Snip the corner of your baggie of cinnamon filling and squeeze the filling into the open corner. When your pancake begins to form bubbles, add the filling. Starting at the center of the pancake, squeeze the filling on top of the pancake batter in a swirl (just as you see in a regular cinnamon roll). Cook the pancake 2 to 3 minutes, or until the bubbles begin popping on top of the pancake and it’s golden brown on the bottom. Slide a thin, wide metal spatula underneath the pancake and gently but quickly flip it over. Cook an additional 2 to 3 minutes, until the other side is golden as well. When you flip the pancake onto a plate, you will see that the cinnamon filling has created a crater-swirl of cinnamon. Wipe out the pan with a paper towel, and repeat with the remaining pancake batter and cinnamon filling. Re-warm the glaze briefly, if needed. Serve pancakes topped with a drizzle of glaze.

(via remivel)

dduane:

evawrites:

nyxe:

evawrites:

oooeygooeygoodness:

Apple Cider Caramel Cookies
Ingredients:1 cup unsalted butter, nearly melted1 cup granulated sugar1/2 teaspoon salt1 (7.4 ounce) box Alpine Spiced Apple Cider Instant Original Drink Mix2 eggs 1 teaspoon vanilla extract1 teaspoon baking soda1/2 teaspoon baking powder3 cups all-purpose flour1 (14 ounce) bag Kraft Caramels Instructions
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line cookie sheets with parchment paper. It has to be parchment this time. 2. In a stand mixer, cream together butter, sugar, salt, and all 10 packets of apple cider mix until smooth and fluffy. Beat in eggs and vanilla extract, then mix in the baking soda and baking powder. Add the flour and mix until just combined. 3. With a standard cookie scoop, scoop the dough scraping off the excess as you go up the bowl. Flatten the dough slightly in your hand and place a caramel in the center. Work the dough around the caramel sealing well. Place the cookies two inches apart on the sheets. 4. Bake 12 to 14 minutes or until golden brown around the edges. After baking, carefully slide the parchment with the cookies onto the counter. Let cool until they are no longer soft but still slightly warm. Twist gently to remove, and cool the rest of the way upside down on the parchment or on a cooling rack.

I want to try
but I hate to think of what I might explode this time.  :[

WANT TO TRY
WILL MAIL EXCESS TO EVA

sometimes when you post things i hear angels singing

Oh wow… are these autumnal enough?

dduane:

evawrites:

nyxe:

evawrites:

oooeygooeygoodness:

Apple Cider Caramel Cookies

Ingredients:
1 cup unsalted butter, nearly melted
1 cup granulated sugar
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 (7.4 ounce) box Alpine Spiced Apple Cider Instant Original Drink Mix
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 (14 ounce) bag Kraft Caramels
 
Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line cookie sheets with parchment paper. It has to be parchment this time.
 
2. In a stand mixer, cream together butter, sugar, salt, and all 10 packets of apple cider mix until smooth and fluffy. Beat in eggs and vanilla extract, then mix in the baking soda and baking powder. Add the flour and mix until just combined.
 
3. With a standard cookie scoop, scoop the dough scraping off the excess as you go up the bowl. Flatten the dough slightly in your hand and place a caramel in the center. Work the dough around the caramel sealing well. Place the cookies two inches apart on the sheets.
 
4. Bake 12 to 14 minutes or until golden brown around the edges. After baking, carefully slide the parchment with the cookies onto the counter. Let cool until they are no longer soft but still slightly warm. Twist gently to remove, and cool the rest of the way upside down on the parchment or on a cooling rack.

I want to try

but I hate to think of what I might explode this time.  :[

WANT TO TRY

WILL MAIL EXCESS TO EVA

sometimes when you post things i hear angels singing

Oh wow… are these autumnal enough?

(via chickalupe)

Callisto’s Machine Free Sorbets #1: Banananananananana BERRY!

*Please note: this contains Vodka for technical purposes (Alcohol does not freeze so it helps keeps the sorbet smooth and gives it a less grainy texture. You can use liqeurs that complement the taste of your fruit or vodka, which has no flavor, which is why I use it)

Ingrediants:

  • 2 cups Ripe Bananas peeled and cut into slices.
  • 1 cup each: Blueberries, Blackberry’s.
  • 1/2 pck. Strawberries.
  • 6 tbsp of non-flavored Vodka.
  • 1 1/2 cup of Simple Syrup (Here is a good guide on how to make it)
  • 3 tbsp Lemon Juice
  • 2/3 cup water.
  • Drizzle of honey or agave for sweetener.

Directions:

  1. Make simple syrup.
  2. Puree the bananas and berries together, add water to thin.
  3. Combine syrup with puree, add and stir in vodka and lemon juice.
  4. Taste: Add honey or agave as you see fit.
  5. put mixture in a large, shallow pan and set in freezer.
  6. For the next three hours, stir up mixture every 20-30 minutes.
  7. After three hours feel free to scoop mixture into a deeper, smaller pan and let sit in freezer overnight.
  8. Enjoy!

newvagabond:

catsfeltlings:

yamino:

thecakebar:

Strawberry Nutella Pop Tarts 

Get in my mouth.

and into my belly.

Ahhh.

(via remivel)

housewifeswag:

pasta porn. mmmmm.

(via hot-dayum-dude-man)

chubbycartwheels:

allthecrafts:

Salad in a Jar!

Another amazing picnic idea! Also great for work or school lunches. As long as your dressing doesn’t touch the lettuce, these salads will stay fresh in the fridge for 4 or 5 days!

I love this idea!

(via crazymanmichael)

lilvoyeurgirl:

the-altar:

you-can-call-me-cupcake:

you-cant-make-me-stop:

karawarhol:

girlgoesgrrr:

Food Porn.
Vanilla ice cream served in a hollow apple and drenched with caramel syrup.
You’re welcome.

Oh my god

Oh fuck I want this…

Gimme

This is some pro shit right here.

I have some chardonnay caramel sauce…  mouthgasm.

lilvoyeurgirl:

the-altar:

you-can-call-me-cupcake:

you-cant-make-me-stop:

karawarhol:

girlgoesgrrr:

Food Porn.

Vanilla ice cream served in a hollow apple and drenched with caramel syrup.

You’re welcome.

Oh my god

Oh fuck I want this…

Gimme

This is some pro shit right here.

I have some chardonnay caramel sauce…  mouthgasm.

(via crazymanmichael)

dudeyoujustrescuedapuppy:


Cheesecake filled strawberries.

Sweet cheesecake Jesus

dudeyoujustrescuedapuppy:

Cheesecake filled strawberries.

Sweet cheesecake Jesus

(via crazymanmichael)

foodopia:

strawberry cheesecake brownie bites: recipe here

foodopia:

strawberry cheesecake brownie bites: recipe here

(via dr--grumbles)